Instant Gratification

The other day I went to the grocery store. The parking lot is small, but efficient. It directs people in a circle around the lot. As I was pulling into the lot, a car that had been circling the parking lot turned right in front of me. The turn was malicious, too. She definitely wanted to get ahead of me. I found out why a few seconds later as I looked around the parking lot and it was full. Anyway, the mean car drove past a row of cars and as soon as she drove past, one of them put on their backing up lights. Ha! Since I was next in line, I took that spot. Had the situation happened differently and mean car had actually been nice car, she would have let me go ahead of her instead of cutting me off. In that case, she could have stopped circling the lot and taken the spot that I did. But she didn't choose to be polite, she chose to be a jerk. Instant karma. It made me feel like the universe was on my side.

That is a small example of the benefits of the golden rule. I have no doubt that she would not have wanted someone to cut her off, just as I didn't. In the end, of course, I was grateful, but my first reaction was irritation. Because I am practicing patience while driving, I did not curse her up and down the parking lot. I just shook my head and kept driving.

It's a basic principle that we all learned in kindergarten: treat others how you would like to be treated. I think it's funny how some people can't forget the person who accidentally stepped on their toe ten years ago, but they can't remember what they learned in grade school. If there were more "please" and "thank you's" in the world, I think people would be generally happier. It doesn't take much to say "you're welcome" or "no, you go ahead." I have to admit that I am a very impatient driver, but I'm working on that because I don't think it does anybody any good. My destination is not any more important than yours, and we're all in the same boat. If more people got out of their heads and realized how they indirectly or directly affect the lives of others, I think everyone would be nicer.

Pay it forward, people.

Lines

I was standing in line at the coffee shop in my building this morning. It was a pretty long line, but it was made longer by the people in front of me who were standing about 20 feet behind the people in front of them. Perhaps to compensate for this unnecessary lengthening of the line, the woman behind me was standing almost on top of me. I don't get it. Do people have absolutely no concept of space? I'm generally a people person...I enjoy being around people...but I don't really like people I don't know touching me. They should really teach line-forming at school. I think the way people stand in a line corresponds to how they drive. The woman standing really close to me is probably also a tail-gator...and the ones in front of me were probably the people who leave 10 car lengths between their car and the car in front of them at a stop sign. It makes sense.

In other news...the weather is all dreary and blah here today and I think it's making me dreary and blah. I did receive a link to some greeting cards which have been amusing me on and off this morning, but I would prefer to be sitting on my patio with a book soaking up the sun. Ah, the curse of living in Minnesota...I guess aside from being tired for some reason, it's not that bad of a day.

This is great

Neverland

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I've always had trouble falling asleep, but now I've been waking up in the middle of the night. One of my co-workers says I'm getting older. That's true. Aren't we all. The marks of adulthood are all over me. I have a full time job, 401k, benefits, blah blah blah. After my sleepless nights, I get up and go to work at 8, spend 9 hours there, then go home. No more spending my days climbing trees or playing baseball in the back yard. Yesterday on my drive home it was raining. My first thought was "yes! I love the rain. this is great." Immediately following that thought (while I was stuck in traffic on the freeway) was "this is not going to be good for the commute tomorrow....if it freezes tonight, it will just be like an ice rink." That's what really clued me in to the fact that I'm a grown-up.

When I was a kid, the rain wouldn't have stopped me from going outside. I've played many basketball games with my neighbors in the rain....ridden bikes...just generally run around. The rain still doesn't stop me from going outside. But instead of thinking about riding through all the puddles I could, now my first thought is "I hope I closed my sunroof." Growing up is, of course, not a bad thing. It's the natural order of things....the way things work. Worries replace wonder, forks replace fingers, and constructiveness replaces chaos. That is, after all, part of being an adult. We learn how to read and write, and act responsibly, and while we're learning all of this as kids, we don't really grasp what it's leading to: our freedom. I mean, we know that it is inevitable, that at some point we will no longer have to live by our parents rules, we can eat whatever we want and stay up to all hours of the night. What they don't tell us is that, at some point, we will have to make up our own rules, buy our own food, and keep ourselves out of trouble. This comes as a surprise to some people, and the inability to take on these stressors spirals ourselves out of control. I think everyone goes through a time where they are, in a sense, reeling from adulthood. Where our lives seem like they are going round and round with no way to stop them. Where stability is just out of reach....but the prospect of having the world at our disposal and the ability to do whatever we want to do is enticing. At times, this feeling is also overwhelming. For some people, it only lasts a day....for others it last a year....still others, it lasts a decade. But that's what makes us all unique :)

What they also don't tell us, is how to get that feeling from our childhood back... the feeling of careless wonder and wide-eyed curiosity. I think that's something that we should always have. The ability to let go of worry and just be is what keeps a person sane. The ability to let go is what helps us hold on to what's important...without letting go, we don't recognize the things that are important. I had a "back to simplicity" moment just this evening. I ordered a pizza for dinner....plain pepperoni. That's my favorite kind of pizza....it doesn't get any better. Occasionally I like a pizza full of veggies or other stuff....but mostly, I'm pretty darn happy with just plain pepperoni. Without all the extra toppings, it's easier to taste each part of the pizza.

There's no reason why our lives as adults can't be simple. Certainly they will never be like the life of a child, but they don't have to be filled with stress, either. While our past is what has made our present, it is still the past. Mistakes don't end the world...they may stop our own time for awhile, but it gets started again. There will always be worries, and there will always be adversity...but we are defined more by how we react and use that adversity to change our lives, and, if necessary, our character, than we are by the events in our lives. We are remembered by how we live rather than what we do. We've all heard the saying....Change is inevitable....growth is optional.

Some water and a cat

We have a water and ice dispensers in our breakrooms at work. They have those grates you can pour water down and what-not. All of them are equipped with signs that read: "These grates are for water only. Please pour all other liquids down the sink, including coffee, tea, and soda." Or something like that. The last sentence is exact wording. So here's my question: if coffe, tea, and soda are not included in "all other liquids" then what are they? I think they could have saved some money on the signs and cut down on wording a little bit. Perhaps they got a deal.

In other news, if anyone knows how to speak cat, I could use a little help. My cat has not stopped meowing all day until recently. Right now she is laying curled up in my chair, peaceful as can be. But she has been acting like a pill all day otherwise. She knows she is not supposed to be on the kitchen counter, so if she sees something on it that she wants, she'll sit on the floor and meow her little head off. Then when she thinks I'm not looking she jumps on the counter. I'm telling you, she's a pill. So if anyone can give me lessons in speaking cat so I can tell her in her own language what a twerp she's being. But really, she is adorable.

Give a little, Get a little

I just finished reading "The Universe in a Single Atom" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. In the second to the last chapter of the book he is talking about the ethics of genetic manipulation and cloning. There are obviously benefits and downsides to both issues. For example, the cloning of an organ to save a person's life seems like it should be okay. But then the issue is raised: are we meant to save lives, or meant to just let nature take its course? Of course, we've already moved well beyond letting nature take its course. But anyway.... I think the biggest issue regarding cloning and genetic manipulation and ethics lies in cloning entire people, or creating a person that we see to be acceptable to society, having no perceived "defects." As the Dalai Lama points out, a "defect" now may not be a "defect" when the child grows up, and who are we to "correct" it? He also states that he feels that such genetic manipulation implies that we are beginning to have a lack of appreciation and understanding of what it means to cherish humanity.

I think this is a great book. It addresses the issues of science and spirituality and makes an attempt at understanding both sides. It also outlines a major concept, though it seems basic: at the core of everything, we are all one family. We are one humanity living in one house. We may have different religions, colors, sizes, shapes, cultures, what have you...but underneath all of that, we are all human. We are all capable of having compassion, and we all have value. Our value should not be measured by how much money we have, or how we look or speak, or how fast we can run. Our value as human beings can be observed with how we live our life and how we treat ourselves and others.

I think that there are a lot of different ways of being alive. There are certainly people out there who do very bad things. There are people who do very good things. There are also people who are tunnel-visioned and see one thing to work towards, and people whose vision is so broad they don't know where to start. And then there are people who are able to see the big picture along with all the little pictures. I'm sure you've all heard the phrase "can't see the forest for the trees." I think that we should try to pay attention to the forest and the trees. I'm not sure how to do that because I'm not very good at it....I tend to focus on the trees and then look back and see the forest when I'm out of it. I think one of the keys to living a good life is being able to see the forest, and to see all the trees that make up the forest, and see how they connect and survive with one another. I think that should be in a person's mind....but in terms of doing, I personally prefer to do things from the tree level instead of the forest level. For example, if I'm looking for a way to be happy in my life, I don't think that I should start with the people around me. I need to start inside me. Then I can work outside and make not only my life better, but possibly help make other people's lives better as well. Then perhaps the other people will help the people in their lives be better and so on and so forth.

If we look at a tree in a forest, as we travel down into the soil, we see a strong root system, or base that is supporting the tree. As we travel further down the roots, they get thinner and wispier and eventually run into other roots belonging to other trees. These roots are forming a network, but a respectful network. A root that gets too over-zealous and decides to grow everywhere could end up killing other things by slowly choking the life out of them or stealing nutrients from them. In order for a forest to survive, the trees have to recognize the value of a network, but also the value of individuality. As we travel the opposite way and go to the top of the tree, we see again a strong trunk, or base, but then we see all kinds of different branches, reaching out to different trees, and helping to provide shade and growth opportunities for other vegetation or animal life. So no matter where you look, although a tree can be separated and identified alone, the tree is still part of a network....and happy to be so, because it knows that without the network, it probably wouldn't survive.

Birds, pianos, and dessert

Let me begin by saying that I have to leave the Entibidore family. Unfortunately, these are people that both my neighbors and I will interact with. Since they are personal friends of my neighbors, and now neighbors of mine that I will actually talk to, I'm finding it difficult to speculate on what their life may be. Hopefully I can find some new people to be curious about soon.

On to other things. I was standing at my kitchen sink earlier today eating some chips and watching the birds at the bird feeder. The one right outside the window was being frequented by blue-jays.

(I have recently figured out how to put pictures in my blog. yay me, and how exciting for you.) I've decided that it would be very stressful to be a blue jay. They can't just sit and eat and be relaxed and enjoy their dinner. After every bite, they hop to the edge of the feeder and look around, or they turn their heads this way and that. I can only imagine that they are looking out for attackers and other evil-doers. I don't think I would like being on edge like that all the time. When I start feeling like that, then I think it's time for me to take a break....much like I think the blue jays need one. Those of you who have read my other blogs have heard me talk about mental health vacations before, so I apologize for my redundancy. I think they're important, though, and I really think the blue jays could benefit with one. Although, if they did let down their guard and got attacked by something, I would feel badly. For those of us who are humans, however, mental health vacations are good to have, and sometimes almost a necessity. I think that people spend too much time worrying about other people and not enough time getting to know themselves. Granted, a person could spend too much time in their own head, something which I am quite guilty of. I prefer to think I'm doing everyone else a favor by staying in my head, though....:) I think that by getting to know oneself, you are allowing yourself to live less selfishly when it comes to your actions and words towards others. It's one of those things where you have to do something extremely (in this case, you need to be very selfish) in order to prevent doing it in the future (acting selflessly). By getting to know yourself, you are able to be secure in who you are which in turn enables you to worry less about how other people's actions are affecting you and more about how your actions are affecting other people. When I take a mental health vacation, I turn my phone and my computer off, and I just spend time doing things without outside interruptions. At first it was hard, but after awhile, it gets to the point where I am almost always thinking about what I'm doing at the moment, and no longer think about what has happened or worry about what will happen. When I find myself no longer able to live in the present, and constantly worrying about other things, that's when I know its time for a break.

In other news, I took my piano apart today. Some friends of my dad's gave me their piano and I decided to teach myself how to tune and repair it. Actually, I started out just teaching myself how to tune it, but then I broke a string so I needed to teach myself how to repair it. This is an upright piano, so to get to the strings some parts of it need to be removed. I decided to just go ahead and take everything out because then I would know how to put it back together and just exactly how a piano works. Given that I teach piano, it's helpful to be able to competently draw and explain what happens. This is what my piano looked like before I took it apart (see left) except for that's not in my house, so just ignore everything but the piano. There is not an adequate picture to show what it looked like after I took it apart, although I did chronicle the process with my digital camera. I just can't find the cord to hook it up to my computer, otherwise I would post those. But to the right is a picture of my favorite part, the piano action. Actually called the piano drop action assembly, but other things like guns have drop action assemblies as well, so its also called just the piano action. It is currently on the floor in my bedroom just waiting for me to do something exciting with it....like maybe put it back in the piano. Or maybe not. Anyway, this whole taking the piano apart thing kind of rejuvenated me. I'm getting really sick of winter and closing in on myself, I think. I'm not always the best at sharing my thoughts/feelings, except with people who know me very very well, or on a blog where I'm not actually speaking them, but I'm realizing that that is maybe not the best way to be. It can hinder relationships, but then again it can help them grow. If I lay everything out on the table in the first few days a person knows me, well then there is no place for the relationship to go. I've said before that I disagree with the statement that people are like onions (as Shrek said), mostly because it implies that you can peel part of them off and see what is underneath. But we can never peel part of us off, all of our "layers" go together and feed into one another. I think people are more like a trifle (again, something I've said before, but for some reason I think that I need to be reminded of this). A trifle is a very good dessert. It's topped with whipped cream and as you eat through the trifle, you run across several different layers. But the good thing about a trifle is that the layers repeat themselves, but always have something else added. You're reminded a few times of the different layers you went through, and when you get to the bottom you realize that getting through all the layers was a lot of fun, and now it makes sense. At the bottom is the culmination of everything you've just eaten through. So you don't get to the bottom and forget what attracted you in the first place. You get to the bottom and are reminded of what attracted you in the first place, and you're also reminded of everything else you saw and liked....and maybe disliked. Regardless, at the bottom of a trifle, you have all the good things and all the bad things...much like a person. If we didn't have layers, or didn't save some things for the people most important to us, or even just for ourselves, it would be like walking around with our autobiographies tattooed on our foreheads. That's no fun for anyone. And it takes away from relationships....it takes away from having special people in our lives.

That's all for now folks.

The Sandman Cometh

I've been trying to write this blog for awhile now. I started out with a story about how I almost got killed the other day on my way to work, but it wasn't really turning into what I wanted to say. Then I started writing about the Entibidore family, but I'm not in the mood for them...although some interesting things have been happening. I'll keep you posted on that. So I figured I should just write about what's been on my mind and skip all the other stuff. I had a dream about a month ago that my parents died. It was one of those dreams that you wake up from and think "well shit. that was scary." Of course that triggered a lot of thoughts. Mostly that I would really miss my parents if they died. I've learned a lot from them, especially since I've started living here. My parents have been married for 30 years, and their relationship is one that people should admire and respect. I know I do.

I've noticed a few things about my parents over the years. First of all, the words "please" and "thank you" are probably three of the most often used words in my household. As far back as I can remember, my dad has thanked my mom after every meal. My mom has always said please when she's asking you to do something (unless, of course, she's pretty ticked off). They may be small words, but they are powerful. A "thank you" shows a person that you appreciate them and what they have done for you. "Please" shows that you respect that a person has a choice. Whether it is with a person you've never seen before, or one you see every day, those words can make a big difference.

Second of all, forgiveness is not only a gift, but at times it is a necessity. We've all heard the term "for the greater good." Well, sometimes that's what forgiveness is about. Anger is like a cancer. The longer you hold onto it, the more it affects you, in a negative way. If you hang onto it long enough, you forget what you were angry about in the first place...but now you've probably found a dozen more things to be angry about. People make mistakes; people screw up. Sometimes the words "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" can mean the difference between a lifetime of happiness and a lifetime of hurt. Sometimes it's funny the power words have. We can write them down, we can say them out loud, but we can never erase them. Even if we wrote in pencil. Our words are our thoughts, and so they can be more hurtful and more helpful than anything else. But acknowledging that you have caused someone pain, or acknowledging their remorse over the pain they have caused, can help fix things.

Probably the most important lesson I've learned is how to love...and I'm still working on that one. The words "I love you" are three of the best words to hear, and sometimes the hardest to say. People forget sometimes, I think, that love is not just a word, it's also an action, or an expression. And it's not always a big flourish...most of the time, it's the little things that show a person you love them. But then again, it's not just the actions, either. People need to hear the words. Sometimes people need to hear them for reassurance, but mostly just because it feels good to hear...it feels good to say, too.

My parents are pretty good teachers. They're also very different from each other, but I think that's what keeps it interesting. Anyway, I think that's all I've got for now. I'll let you know if I think of anything else. But I am very glad that my dream was just a dream.

I recently realized that titles for blogs on this site are not required. That's exciting. Sometimes it is just so hard to put a label on things. Maybe that's the wrong word...some things are easy to label. For example, if I had a jar of pickles, I would label it "Pickles." I think putting titles on things such as a blog sets an expectation of what the blog is to be about. If your blog is about nothing, that presents a problem, since it is so hard to put a title on nothing. I have to admit, there have been times when I have spent more time thinking about a title than about the content of my blog. Perhaps it should be the other way around. I said that maybe label is the wrong word for what you would call a blog. Books and people have "titles," not labels. Blogs are writing, so perhaps you can't label one. As soon as I said "label" I felt that it was wrong and I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's because if you are talking about labeling something, unless it is a food item or a shelf or a folder, it has a somewhat negative connotation. We talk about putting labels on people, which is usually considered a bad thing. I'm a little confused, however, because isn't a label the same thing, in essence, as a title? A label is like a nametag, as is a title. So why do we resist labeling people, but freely give them (even those that shouldn't have them) titles? I have tea every day with a good friend of mine. We've been talking about New Years resolutions, and one that came up was the judgment of others. I suppose that includes putting labels on people, or lumping them into a category which a person could then name....label...put a title on....whatever you want to do with it. It's a great resolution, but it's also human nature to look at another person and make a decision about their character. I'm not saying that makes it okay, I'm saying that it's something everyone should be aware of. Certainly if I see a person dressed from head to toe in black carrying a machine gun, I'm probably going to pass negative judgment on that person. I don't think that's out of line. But passing judgment on a person because of how they look or speak or smell is another story.

I'm talking about resolutions in this blog, and in the one right below it I declared that I've never really been a proponent of them. That's true. I do believe that people should try to live each day better than the one before, which sometimes seems impossible. Then there are those days when it is really easy. There are days when the only thing worse would be to not wake up. Therefore, just by being alive the next day, you're already doing a good job. But that probably means that the day before was not as good as it could've been. I've said this in blogs before...not this blog, but the one I used to have...I think people need to live more in the present. Our lives today have been shaped by our lives in the past. What else is to be concluded, then, but that everything hinges on now? What I do today, will effect my life tomorrow. Just as my life today is effected by yesterday. So you can see where my hang-up on resolutions comes from. However, these daily tea chats are always making me think, and always helping me see different points of view. Part of the idea in making resolutions is to put something in writing, so you can see it every day, or however often you choose to look at it. The benefit of that is, again, to combat a part of human nature: forgetfulness. Today I may say that I will start eating fruit for breakfast. I may do that for a few days, or maybe not even that, but then maybe I will slip into an old habit of eating donuts for breakfast. It could be that somebody brought donuts into work and so it is easier for me to eat those. It could be that I ran out of fruit at my house, and the easy thing to do is to get a donut. Whatever the reason, on January 1 of next year, I will most likely be saying "oh yeah, I was going to eat fruit for breakfast. Okay, I'll do that this year." If I put it in writing, I will be holding myself accountable for my goals. I think on some level we all lack motivation to make ourselves the best we can be. Pretty soon it's easier to be "good enough." Sometimes that's better than most people are anyway, but is it enough? Think of how far people could go if they held themselves accountable for what they could do.

This year, I am making a few resolutions. I am putting them in writing (not here...it's none of your business ;) ) and I am doing my best to hold myself accountable. Hopefully by 2009 I will be living in a better way, and I will be able to make a new set of resolutions....if my plan works, I should be eating fruit for breakfast without even thinking about it.