Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Neverland
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I've always had trouble falling asleep, but now I've been waking up in the middle of the night. One of my co-workers says I'm getting older. That's true. Aren't we all. The marks of adulthood are all over me. I have a full time job, 401k, benefits, blah blah blah. After my sleepless nights, I get up and go to work at 8, spend 9 hours there, then go home. No more spending my days climbing trees or playing baseball in the back yard. Yesterday on my drive home it was raining. My first thought was "yes! I love the rain. this is great." Immediately following that thought (while I was stuck in traffic on the freeway) was "this is not going to be good for the commute tomorrow....if it freezes tonight, it will just be like an ice rink." That's what really clued me in to the fact that I'm a grown-up.
When I was a kid, the rain wouldn't have stopped me from going outside. I've played many basketball games with my neighbors in the rain....ridden bikes...just generally run around. The rain still doesn't stop me from going outside. But instead of thinking about riding through all the puddles I could, now my first thought is "I hope I closed my sunroof." Growing up is, of course, not a bad thing. It's the natural order of things....the way things work. Worries replace wonder, forks replace fingers, and constructiveness replaces chaos. That is, after all, part of being an adult. We learn how to read and write, and act responsibly, and while we're learning all of this as kids, we don't really grasp what it's leading to: our freedom. I mean, we know that it is inevitable, that at some point we will no longer have to live by our parents rules, we can eat whatever we want and stay up to all hours of the night. What they don't tell us is that, at some point, we will have to make up our own rules, buy our own food, and keep ourselves out of trouble. This comes as a surprise to some people, and the inability to take on these stressors spirals ourselves out of control. I think everyone goes through a time where they are, in a sense, reeling from adulthood. Where our lives seem like they are going round and round with no way to stop them. Where stability is just out of reach....but the prospect of having the world at our disposal and the ability to do whatever we want to do is enticing. At times, this feeling is also overwhelming. For some people, it only lasts a day....for others it last a year....still others, it lasts a decade. But that's what makes us all unique :)
What they also don't tell us, is how to get that feeling from our childhood back... the feeling of careless wonder and wide-eyed curiosity. I think that's something that we should always have. The ability to let go of worry and just be is what keeps a person sane. The ability to let go is what helps us hold on to what's important...without letting go, we don't recognize the things that are important. I had a "back to simplicity" moment just this evening. I ordered a pizza for dinner....plain pepperoni. That's my favorite kind of pizza....it doesn't get any better. Occasionally I like a pizza full of veggies or other stuff....but mostly, I'm pretty darn happy with just plain pepperoni. Without all the extra toppings, it's easier to taste each part of the pizza.
There's no reason why our lives as adults can't be simple. Certainly they will never be like the life of a child, but they don't have to be filled with stress, either. While our past is what has made our present, it is still the past. Mistakes don't end the world...they may stop our own time for awhile, but it gets started again. There will always be worries, and there will always be adversity...but we are defined more by how we react and use that adversity to change our lives, and, if necessary, our character, than we are by the events in our lives. We are remembered by how we live rather than what we do. We've all heard the saying....Change is inevitable....growth is optional.
When I was a kid, the rain wouldn't have stopped me from going outside. I've played many basketball games with my neighbors in the rain....ridden bikes...just generally run around. The rain still doesn't stop me from going outside. But instead of thinking about riding through all the puddles I could, now my first thought is "I hope I closed my sunroof." Growing up is, of course, not a bad thing. It's the natural order of things....the way things work. Worries replace wonder, forks replace fingers, and constructiveness replaces chaos. That is, after all, part of being an adult. We learn how to read and write, and act responsibly, and while we're learning all of this as kids, we don't really grasp what it's leading to: our freedom. I mean, we know that it is inevitable, that at some point we will no longer have to live by our parents rules, we can eat whatever we want and stay up to all hours of the night. What they don't tell us is that, at some point, we will have to make up our own rules, buy our own food, and keep ourselves out of trouble. This comes as a surprise to some people, and the inability to take on these stressors spirals ourselves out of control. I think everyone goes through a time where they are, in a sense, reeling from adulthood. Where our lives seem like they are going round and round with no way to stop them. Where stability is just out of reach....but the prospect of having the world at our disposal and the ability to do whatever we want to do is enticing. At times, this feeling is also overwhelming. For some people, it only lasts a day....for others it last a year....still others, it lasts a decade. But that's what makes us all unique :)
What they also don't tell us, is how to get that feeling from our childhood back... the feeling of careless wonder and wide-eyed curiosity. I think that's something that we should always have. The ability to let go of worry and just be is what keeps a person sane. The ability to let go is what helps us hold on to what's important...without letting go, we don't recognize the things that are important. I had a "back to simplicity" moment just this evening. I ordered a pizza for dinner....plain pepperoni. That's my favorite kind of pizza....it doesn't get any better. Occasionally I like a pizza full of veggies or other stuff....but mostly, I'm pretty darn happy with just plain pepperoni. Without all the extra toppings, it's easier to taste each part of the pizza.
There's no reason why our lives as adults can't be simple. Certainly they will never be like the life of a child, but they don't have to be filled with stress, either. While our past is what has made our present, it is still the past. Mistakes don't end the world...they may stop our own time for awhile, but it gets started again. There will always be worries, and there will always be adversity...but we are defined more by how we react and use that adversity to change our lives, and, if necessary, our character, than we are by the events in our lives. We are remembered by how we live rather than what we do. We've all heard the saying....Change is inevitable....growth is optional.
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