Well, another year come and gone. I'm not much for New Years resolutions. My motto is to just live each day better than the one before. HOWEVER, after this year, I definitely need a change. I have decided to go ahead, without reservation, and pursue my MBA. There are several advantages to this: First of all, it's just a good idea. Second, my employer will pay for it. And finally, and probably the most important, it will keep me happy while I figure out what I want to do (on a professional level) with my life. Anybody who's reading this knows that I live with my parents. Anybody who talks to me regularly knows that it's driving me nuts. But aside from my parents being parents, they're pretty good people and have a lot of good things to say. For example, a few months ago my mother told me I was getting old and I needed to do something with my life. That's what started this whole spiral of life-changing thoughts. She recently enlightened me on something else. Not so much enlightened, I guess, as said it out loud. I need to stop talking about things and grab my life by the horns and do it...which is more or less a reiteration of what she told me before. In her words, I have to realize that no matter what I do, I am making a choice. I have to accept that I'm making that choice, acknowledge it, and be okay with it. So if I'm trying to decide between eating liver and eating lutefisk (neither of which are appealing to me in the least) and I have to pick one to eat or starve, I will have to make my decision by choosing what I don't want to eat...not what I do.

I reconnected with a few people from high school this past week. One of them in particular happened to get me seriously thinking about my life again, and back in the "higher education saddle." She happens to be a PhD candidate at Harvard, which I completely admire and think very highly of her for. Not to mention the fact that she's just a good person (or so it would seem...as after 7 or 8 years I don't know her all too well :) ). Anyway, we talked about grad school a bit and she is single handedly responsible for lighting my "hey I'm going back to school" fire again. For some reason it had fizzled out, but upon further review, it would be really stupid of me not to. I am not ready to go back for my PhD yet, and I'm okay with that. I think it's better that I realize that I'm not ready, than it is for me to go and then find out it's not what I want.

Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about roosters. I've been on this subject for a couple of days now because it's really irritating me. Has anyone seen the Nyquil commercial where the wife says to the husband (as the rooster is sitting on the window sill crowing in the middle of the night) "Sleep like you did before the rooster went blind." I'm taking issue with this advertisement. First of all, how did a blind rooster find its way to the windowsill? Does it live inside? Does it sit there often and so just knows the way? Is the windowsill its dwelling place, so its just always there? And second, and most importantly, why would a rooster randomly start crowing in the middle of the night? I understand that it just went blind, but then wouldn't it be dark for it all the time? And even if the crowing was determined by something else (say a circadian rhythm or something) wouldn't it just continue crowing at the time it has always been crowing? I think the makers of Nyquil's advertisements need to put more research into their material before presenting it to the general population.

Paused

Well, a lot of things have happened since my last post. That seems hard to believe since my last post was just a few weeks ago, but I guess that's life. First, let's start with the Entibidore family. I have not seen them since my last post about them. There is always a light on in the house, however, so it's likely that they are inside. There can be a few reasons for this: most obviously, it's frickin' freezing out and very few people are venturing outside. Granted, we also got our first snow last weekend and the kids should be out playing in it. There is little evidence that that has happened....no snow-person in the yard....no snow forts or snowball aresenals within sight. I think the Entibidores are probably laying low until they get a feel for the neighborhood. I'm running with my theory that the Entibidores were forced out of their last neighborhood, which I'm beginning to think was not too far away from this one. That's the likliest explanation as to why they have not spent too much time outside. Perhaps there are still people around that remember who they are and what they did. I guess it's probably the smartest thing for them to lay low for awhile longer. Today a black car pulled into their driveway....a car I have not seen before. Granted, I have paid them little attention since they moved in so I have no idea what cars are normally there, but this one seemed exceptionally suspicious. I imagine it was probably someone coming to tell them to stay indoors for just a little while longer. It did look like it could be government, though, so perhaps the entire family is working for the CIA or under the witness protection program. I'll keep you posted on this.

What else is new....I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to be going back to school for awhile. My GRE scores are good for 5 years, so I'm going to use that time to figure out exactly what I want to be doing. Which means that there is no reason for me to be living with my parents right now, so I am going to be moving out :) That is making me pretty happy, so things are starting to look up. I'll keep you posted on this as well.

Other than that, I guess not much is new. I got a haircut...it should last me about a month or so. I also got new gloves and a new hat, very exciting. That's it.

Frustration

So I've been thinking. Mostly about my life and where it's going. The answer to that right now is: nowhere. I feel stalled, but I have this momentum that is trying to push me forward....I'm just not going. I'm not entirely sure why, either. I have taken the steps I need to take to move on and go back to school....except for the most important step: actually applying to schools. I think about why I'm not doing that full force right now and I have no answer. I have no family, nothing really holding me back. I mean, I have family, but not a wife and kids and the like. I can really do or go anywhere I want to, but for some reason I'm stuck.

Here's the thing: I have a job that pays me well. It is also a job that I'm not too fond of, but it allows me to pursue do what I want to do, more or less. I leave my job at 5 PM and I don't think about it until 8 AM the next morning. I get a regular paycheck, vacations, a 401k, benefits, all the good stuff. But I am entirely unsatisfied with my work, and therefore with my life. I have been trying to view my job as a means to an end. A way for me to live the life I want to live outside of work. It almost works....the only problem is that I spend the majority of my time at work, as we all do. So having a job that is completely unfulfilling does not do much for my disposition.

There is really nothing that should be holding me back from applying to schools and moving on with my life. I will be living in poverty for awhile, surely, and it will be a lot of work. But I always have loved a good challenge. It would also likely mean moving away from my parents and my sister, which is something that is going to be difficult for me. I guess what it comes down to is this: I'm not happy right now, but I can't seem to move on. I'm not sure why. Maybe I lack the will power to make myself do something? Or maybe I'm just in a slump. I think I'm going to go with the "in a slump" idea. That implies that I will get out of it and get my rear in gear and live the life I want to live. The other problem is...I'm not sure what life that is yet.

Life and other pursuits

Well I've had a busy couple of weeks. I took the GRE, passed thankfully, and then started thinking about my life. Let me tell you, actually I'm sure you already know, life is a tough one to figure out. I started my adult life going to school for neuroscience/pre-med. I did that for awhile until I realized that I had my priorities in the wrong order and decided to pursue a career in saxophone performance. Contrary to what most people thought, apparently that is not what I was meant to do. Losing that dream thanks to my physical inability to play my saxophone for extended periods of time completely crushed me. In fact, that was over 5 years ago and I still cried at the drop of a hat about it this past spring. So I came back to the U of M and pursued a degree in psychology and got it and then went on to do everything but psychology until my mother told me I was getting old and wasting my life and now here I am. I had every intention to go to school for psychology and then realized that I wanted to pursue something different. I have not felt this alive since I lost the ability to play my saxophone. I'm so very excited to get going with everything I can hardly contain myself. So here I am, once again, embarking on a new adventure. I feel like I have physically relocated myself, but I haven't. I'm still in the same place, it's just like a veil has lifted. That's a really good feeling.

Enough about me...let's talk about people who have actually physically relocated. For those of you who know what I do, you may think I'm talking about work, but I'm not! Our long-time neighbors down-sized to a condo, and we've recently gotten new ones. I don't know much about them, but I've seen them out and about. They are a younger couple with 4 kids. To keep confusion to a minimum, let's call the parents Wayne and Margo Entibidore, and the children Sharon, Salvadore, Martin, and Gwen. I'm not sure about the boy to girl ratio, but let's run with this. According to my mother, the Entibidore family just moved from Lino Lakes. Their children, however, have always gone to school in Roseville, and two years ago the family also lived in Roseville. That begs the question: why the move? Clearly Wayne and Margo liked the Roseville school district or the kids would have been moved to the Lino Lakes school district as well. So what happened? Why the move to Lino Lakes? I can do nothing but speculate, but let me tell you what I think. I have a few working theories. First, maybe one or more members of the Entibidore family witnessed a horrific crime and were relocated to avoid attacks. I imagine they did not change schools so as not to upset the children even more than they were. They were all likely accompanied by a plain-clothed (but armed) bodyguard during their school day, which I'm sure was somewhat traumatic yet cool. The case has probably been closed and the Entibidore's security guaranteed so they were able to move back to Roseville. Second, perhaps the Entibidores were run out of their neighborhood by the other residents. It could be that they were so disrespectful, or maybe their integrity was under suspicion, that it was a force-out. They couldn't move to Shoreview or Lauderdale, or anywhere within a ten mile radius as word travels. So they went to Lino Lakes. Now maybe the rest of the neighborhood is gone or they had them killed off and it's safe for them to move back. Only time will tell how they rate as neighbors. And finally, the most boring and therefore the most likely, perhaps they found a house they just couldn't pass up in Lino Lakes. Maybe it was their first home purchase, very exciting. They finally realized what a commute it was for work and school, so practicality brought them back to Roseville. All of these theories deserve further investigation.

Office Space

For the last few days I have been a walking cesspool of contagious disease. Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic. I have a cold. But it is a very bad cold and has caused me to miss work for 2.5 days while I slip in and out of consciousness. I guess that's what comes from working in places like an office building...or a school...or I guess just being alive. The problem with colds in an office like mine is that they turn into a vicious cycle. One person gets a cold, then another person gets one, and so on and so forth until it finally gets back to the person who started it. I guess we can't really know who started it because this cycle has been going since the office existed. Or at least since I existed in the office. Regardless, I have been laying in bed watching movies for awhile, which is good since I have not done that in awhile. So I'm catching up. I like movies. I will even watch a bad movie if it has a good soundtrack. Right now I am watching "Lord of the Rings" which has one of the best soundtracks I've ever heard. I wish I had a soundtrack like that. Of course, I also wish I could speak Elvish and were a wizard. I'm guessing none of those things are going to happen. A girl can dream, though. I guess that's part of what movies do...help us live vicariously through fictitious, or even real, characters. We all need a break from reality sometimes...if we don't take it I think we'd be miserable. I usually get my reality breaks from books. As aforementioned, however, I have not been able to stay awake long enough to read a book so I have chosen movies this time. I could probably suck it up and go to work and suffer through the day, but I figure...my body is telling me it's time for a break, so I'm going to take advantage of it. However, as you may or may not be able to tell, I'm getting kind of antsy. But I'll spare you more babbling and go back to watching my movies.

If I had a hammer...

So this morning I was driving to work, which is not unusual since I can't fly or levitate or anything cool like that. Anyway, I drove through the U of M campus and was sitting at a stop light, one car from the front of the line, and this guy crosses the street in front of my car. Now, I don't have a problem with people crossing streets. I'm just wondering why it was so hard to walk, literally, the extra 20 feet to get to the light. The light was even green in the direction he wanted to cross. I guess if a person prefers to play frogger instead of taking the extra energy (which really wouldn't take that much) to walk to the corner, that's their choice. Those people should wear helmets, it would be much safer.

On a different note, I was listening to a song called "The Percolater." Obviously it was attempting to simulate a percolator coffee pot, and doing a very good job of it. You never hear songs trying to sound like drip coffee makers, or French presses. Admittedly, they would be boring songs, but a percolator is always used. Hearing an espresso machine more often would be interesting. They make all kinds of sounds. Come to think of it, that would be a great song to write and perform. I think the boring appliances and household utensils should be given more attention in song writing. You never hear songs with refrigerators or stoves or brooms in them. I'm going to start a movement for the fair treatment of boring inanimate objects in songs. Anyone who wants to join me may do so.

Checked out

I still have about 45 minutes of my work day left, but my mind is not here. Granted, my mind is usually not at work when I am, but I make it through the day. Don't worry, my mind isn't at work when I'm not here either. Which is why I am in the process of revamping my life, including my thought processes. For example, when I'm stuck in traffic, I no longer think "damn this traffic" and try to find the quickest possible route through it. Instead I think "huh. here I am in traffic. not much I can do about it" and turn up the radio. The other day I picked my parents up from the airport. I was fortunate enough to be going at a time when the sun was beginning to set. I don't think I've ever realized just how beautiful St. Paul can be. As I was driving over a bridge, I had a great view of the bluffs over the river and the trees starting to change. It reminded me of being in the boundary waters, sitting on a rock looking out at the lake. I wanted to do nothing but drive over to the bluffs and find a rock to sit on for awhile, or take a long walk in the trees. I think sometimes people, myself included, spend too much time worrying about what might happen, or what hasn't happened yet, and not enough time thinking about what's going on right now. I'm especially guilty of that lately. Until a few weeks ago, I didn't realize how I was feeling about certain things or people, and how those things or people were affecting my life...both positively and negatively. The good thing was, as soon as I realized which things or people were negatively affecting my life, I started making changes. Had I not taken the time to think and made those changes, it is very likely I would have missed the view of the bluffs all together. Life can be something of a catch-22 sometimes...I can walk with my head up looking everything straight in the eye...and I could unexpectedly step in a pile of shit. Or I can walk with my head down, looking for the pile of shit so I can step around it, and miss all the goods things looking at the top of my head. Personally, I'd rather step in the pile of shit.

What?!?

I recently heard the term "mommy job." Not knowing what it meant, I immediately thought it referred to a job that was sympathetic to the fact that some of their employers are mothers first. Or fathers, but the term is "mommy" job, so I'm just going to run with that. Au contraire....a mommy job, as those of you more with it than I am know, is a plastic surgery cocktail. Tummy tuck, lipo, and boob job. It's a job so that the only evidence that you have produced a child is the little bundle of joy and apple juice in your arms.

Ridiculous.

The celebrities who have a child and the next photo we see of them one week later is a photo identical to before they were pregnant...they creep me out. People are not pants that are size two but thanks to the elastic waist-band could also fit a size 24 and then snap right back to fit a size two again. Maybe this is the conspiracy theorist in me coming out, but when I see such an elastic person, I think "huh. wonder where they snatched that kid from." My mind automatically dresses the person in black, skin-tight pants, a black ribbed sweater, black leather gloves, night goggles, and strapped with ropes, carabiners, and rock picks, with a knife in their teeth just in case. Certainly not the loving mother I should be seeing. And then, of course, I start to think of the well-being of the child. What happens when it grows up as a Mexican child in a blonde-haired family. Granted, I would hope the snatchers would have thought that out a little better. Anyway, this whole "mommy job" thing just disgusts me.

In other news, my mother looked at the fruit basket this morning and said "What?!? You didn't eat any apples while we were gone?" Apparently I hadn't eaten enough, but was able to answer truthfully and just slightly indignantly: "Yes I did!"

Life as I know it

I have recently joined the world of internet addiction. It started with myspace back in April or so, and snow-balled from there. I have realized that I enjoy blogging, and blogging on myspace just isn't enough for me anymore. So here I am. When I started blogging, I wasn't quite sure what to say. I could sit down and write to you about my day and what's going on in my life. I could tell you that I just ate two Haralson apples and am heading towards some raisin toast in a few minutes. I could also tell you that eating the apples, while nutritious and enjoyable, was more an act of avoidance than anything else. You see, my parents are out of town, and since I recently moved back into their home to save money so I can live in poverty for a few years, my diet is under intense scrutiny. If my mother comes home and sees the same amount of fruit in the fruit basket as there was when she left, I'm going to hear about it. So I ate the apples to avoid such a lecture. And, of course, because apples are good. But I'm guessing you don't really care about my food intake. I could tell you that I'm sitting at my dining room table waiting anxiously for a thunderstorm because a good thunderstorm always puts me in a good mood. It's been cloudy and rainy all day, and I think it should just let loose and give me a little bit of excitement in an otherwise dull day. But I'm guessing you don't really care about the weather, either. The good news is this: I have no interest in writing extensively about either of those topics. Since I started dabbling in blogging, I have found out that I really enjoy writing. There are a lot of things in a regular day that catch my attention and make me think. For example, one of my co-workers phone was ringing. Instead of answering it right away, she stared at it for a second and said "I wonder what they want." Naturally, I responded with "I guess you'll have to pick up the phone and find out." It seemed like the logical thing to do. Those are the kinds of interactions that make me think. They make me want to understand people, and know why people say or do the things they do. I think that the best way to do that is with the help of others. So here I am. I will try not to bore you with writings about the consistency of split pea soup, or debates about soda or pop (personally, I say soda). If I ever do, please stop reading.

Next week: I'm getting my hair cut.