The Sandman Cometh

I've been trying to write this blog for awhile now. I started out with a story about how I almost got killed the other day on my way to work, but it wasn't really turning into what I wanted to say. Then I started writing about the Entibidore family, but I'm not in the mood for them...although some interesting things have been happening. I'll keep you posted on that. So I figured I should just write about what's been on my mind and skip all the other stuff. I had a dream about a month ago that my parents died. It was one of those dreams that you wake up from and think "well shit. that was scary." Of course that triggered a lot of thoughts. Mostly that I would really miss my parents if they died. I've learned a lot from them, especially since I've started living here. My parents have been married for 30 years, and their relationship is one that people should admire and respect. I know I do.

I've noticed a few things about my parents over the years. First of all, the words "please" and "thank you" are probably three of the most often used words in my household. As far back as I can remember, my dad has thanked my mom after every meal. My mom has always said please when she's asking you to do something (unless, of course, she's pretty ticked off). They may be small words, but they are powerful. A "thank you" shows a person that you appreciate them and what they have done for you. "Please" shows that you respect that a person has a choice. Whether it is with a person you've never seen before, or one you see every day, those words can make a big difference.

Second of all, forgiveness is not only a gift, but at times it is a necessity. We've all heard the term "for the greater good." Well, sometimes that's what forgiveness is about. Anger is like a cancer. The longer you hold onto it, the more it affects you, in a negative way. If you hang onto it long enough, you forget what you were angry about in the first place...but now you've probably found a dozen more things to be angry about. People make mistakes; people screw up. Sometimes the words "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" can mean the difference between a lifetime of happiness and a lifetime of hurt. Sometimes it's funny the power words have. We can write them down, we can say them out loud, but we can never erase them. Even if we wrote in pencil. Our words are our thoughts, and so they can be more hurtful and more helpful than anything else. But acknowledging that you have caused someone pain, or acknowledging their remorse over the pain they have caused, can help fix things.

Probably the most important lesson I've learned is how to love...and I'm still working on that one. The words "I love you" are three of the best words to hear, and sometimes the hardest to say. People forget sometimes, I think, that love is not just a word, it's also an action, or an expression. And it's not always a big flourish...most of the time, it's the little things that show a person you love them. But then again, it's not just the actions, either. People need to hear the words. Sometimes people need to hear them for reassurance, but mostly just because it feels good to hear...it feels good to say, too.

My parents are pretty good teachers. They're also very different from each other, but I think that's what keeps it interesting. Anyway, I think that's all I've got for now. I'll let you know if I think of anything else. But I am very glad that my dream was just a dream.

I recently realized that titles for blogs on this site are not required. That's exciting. Sometimes it is just so hard to put a label on things. Maybe that's the wrong word...some things are easy to label. For example, if I had a jar of pickles, I would label it "Pickles." I think putting titles on things such as a blog sets an expectation of what the blog is to be about. If your blog is about nothing, that presents a problem, since it is so hard to put a title on nothing. I have to admit, there have been times when I have spent more time thinking about a title than about the content of my blog. Perhaps it should be the other way around. I said that maybe label is the wrong word for what you would call a blog. Books and people have "titles," not labels. Blogs are writing, so perhaps you can't label one. As soon as I said "label" I felt that it was wrong and I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's because if you are talking about labeling something, unless it is a food item or a shelf or a folder, it has a somewhat negative connotation. We talk about putting labels on people, which is usually considered a bad thing. I'm a little confused, however, because isn't a label the same thing, in essence, as a title? A label is like a nametag, as is a title. So why do we resist labeling people, but freely give them (even those that shouldn't have them) titles? I have tea every day with a good friend of mine. We've been talking about New Years resolutions, and one that came up was the judgment of others. I suppose that includes putting labels on people, or lumping them into a category which a person could then name....label...put a title on....whatever you want to do with it. It's a great resolution, but it's also human nature to look at another person and make a decision about their character. I'm not saying that makes it okay, I'm saying that it's something everyone should be aware of. Certainly if I see a person dressed from head to toe in black carrying a machine gun, I'm probably going to pass negative judgment on that person. I don't think that's out of line. But passing judgment on a person because of how they look or speak or smell is another story.

I'm talking about resolutions in this blog, and in the one right below it I declared that I've never really been a proponent of them. That's true. I do believe that people should try to live each day better than the one before, which sometimes seems impossible. Then there are those days when it is really easy. There are days when the only thing worse would be to not wake up. Therefore, just by being alive the next day, you're already doing a good job. But that probably means that the day before was not as good as it could've been. I've said this in blogs before...not this blog, but the one I used to have...I think people need to live more in the present. Our lives today have been shaped by our lives in the past. What else is to be concluded, then, but that everything hinges on now? What I do today, will effect my life tomorrow. Just as my life today is effected by yesterday. So you can see where my hang-up on resolutions comes from. However, these daily tea chats are always making me think, and always helping me see different points of view. Part of the idea in making resolutions is to put something in writing, so you can see it every day, or however often you choose to look at it. The benefit of that is, again, to combat a part of human nature: forgetfulness. Today I may say that I will start eating fruit for breakfast. I may do that for a few days, or maybe not even that, but then maybe I will slip into an old habit of eating donuts for breakfast. It could be that somebody brought donuts into work and so it is easier for me to eat those. It could be that I ran out of fruit at my house, and the easy thing to do is to get a donut. Whatever the reason, on January 1 of next year, I will most likely be saying "oh yeah, I was going to eat fruit for breakfast. Okay, I'll do that this year." If I put it in writing, I will be holding myself accountable for my goals. I think on some level we all lack motivation to make ourselves the best we can be. Pretty soon it's easier to be "good enough." Sometimes that's better than most people are anyway, but is it enough? Think of how far people could go if they held themselves accountable for what they could do.

This year, I am making a few resolutions. I am putting them in writing (not here...it's none of your business ;) ) and I am doing my best to hold myself accountable. Hopefully by 2009 I will be living in a better way, and I will be able to make a new set of resolutions....if my plan works, I should be eating fruit for breakfast without even thinking about it.