So I've been thinking. Mostly about my life and where it's going. The answer to that right now is: nowhere. I feel stalled, but I have this momentum that is trying to push me forward....I'm just not going. I'm not entirely sure why, either. I have taken the steps I need to take to move on and go back to school....except for the most important step: actually applying to schools. I think about why I'm not doing that full force right now and I have no answer. I have no family, nothing really holding me back. I mean, I have family, but not a wife and kids and the like. I can really do or go anywhere I want to, but for some reason I'm stuck.
Here's the thing: I have a job that pays me well. It is also a job that I'm not too fond of, but it allows me to pursue do what I want to do, more or less. I leave my job at 5 PM and I don't think about it until 8 AM the next morning. I get a regular paycheck, vacations, a 401k, benefits, all the good stuff. But I am entirely unsatisfied with my work, and therefore with my life. I have been trying to view my job as a means to an end. A way for me to live the life I want to live outside of work. It almost works....the only problem is that I spend the majority of my time at work, as we all do. So having a job that is completely unfulfilling does not do much for my disposition.
There is really nothing that should be holding me back from applying to schools and moving on with my life. I will be living in poverty for awhile, surely, and it will be a lot of work. But I always have loved a good challenge. It would also likely mean moving away from my parents and my sister, which is something that is going to be difficult for me. I guess what it comes down to is this: I'm not happy right now, but I can't seem to move on. I'm not sure why. Maybe I lack the will power to make myself do something? Or maybe I'm just in a slump. I think I'm going to go with the "in a slump" idea. That implies that I will get out of it and get my rear in gear and live the life I want to live. The other problem is...I'm not sure what life that is yet.
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Could you go to night school, thereby staying at the unfulfilling job and keeping said paycheck, benefits, 401K while you're going to school? How can the job be unfulfilling? It's fulfillment. (J/K) Things will come together. You'll get your inspiration when the time is right.
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