What?!?

I recently heard the term "mommy job." Not knowing what it meant, I immediately thought it referred to a job that was sympathetic to the fact that some of their employers are mothers first. Or fathers, but the term is "mommy" job, so I'm just going to run with that. Au contraire....a mommy job, as those of you more with it than I am know, is a plastic surgery cocktail. Tummy tuck, lipo, and boob job. It's a job so that the only evidence that you have produced a child is the little bundle of joy and apple juice in your arms.

Ridiculous.

The celebrities who have a child and the next photo we see of them one week later is a photo identical to before they were pregnant...they creep me out. People are not pants that are size two but thanks to the elastic waist-band could also fit a size 24 and then snap right back to fit a size two again. Maybe this is the conspiracy theorist in me coming out, but when I see such an elastic person, I think "huh. wonder where they snatched that kid from." My mind automatically dresses the person in black, skin-tight pants, a black ribbed sweater, black leather gloves, night goggles, and strapped with ropes, carabiners, and rock picks, with a knife in their teeth just in case. Certainly not the loving mother I should be seeing. And then, of course, I start to think of the well-being of the child. What happens when it grows up as a Mexican child in a blonde-haired family. Granted, I would hope the snatchers would have thought that out a little better. Anyway, this whole "mommy job" thing just disgusts me.

In other news, my mother looked at the fruit basket this morning and said "What?!? You didn't eat any apples while we were gone?" Apparently I hadn't eaten enough, but was able to answer truthfully and just slightly indignantly: "Yes I did!"